I am so happy to be 32 weeks pregnant today. It feels like a milestone for some reason... Maybe because it means I am officially 8 months pregnant... Maybe because I am so thankful to still be pregnant? I am not sure but I feel glad. AND I feel tired. All the time. It is hard for a person like me who generally operates at 100% to reel it back to like 30%. But I am trying hard to listen to my body and rest when I need to. Reminding myself that it is only for a short time that I will need to do this, and that the reason for it is to keep this little baby boy, this wonderful little being growing and growing, for as long as I can. And man I am excited to meet him, and see what he is like. (OF course preferably not until January.) He gets the hiccups everyday, and it is so weird because how he is positioned I feel it in my hip. He moves a lot and I can tell he has been growing- because he takes up so much more space. He is also getting stronger and seems to object to certain ways that I lay by punching out my side, it makes me smile. I am so so thankful that he is growing where he should be.
This week I laughed so hard I cried, when was the last time you did that!?!? Omygosh it seemed to release some pressure that was much needed. I could tell you what it was about but it was dumb, but that is exactly what made it so funny. My tiredness most likely played into that, as it was at the end of the day. Still makes me smile thinking about it.
So being on restrictions since being out of the hospital has been hard. But maybe good in some ways. I can't lift Adeline, which is teaching me to be more patient. And there are days I do not want to be patient! But I try to adhere to the guideline, sometimes it is hard for her too, but we are working with it. I can't lift other heavy things-so I have to ask/wait for Jeff to bring laundry up and down stairs. I am still hungry/ravenous every two hours. I cannot do all the working out that I could before, and i feel like that contributes to my overall tiredness. I have been picking up a few more prenatal yoga classes, which are good for movement, and for my mind. I think another challenge is asking for help when I need it, and I am trying to get better at that.
One other thing that I have been mulling around in my head is how hard it is for me to think past January. I am not usually like that, and can always think of the future. But that is just how it is for me right now. So I am going to try to accept it.
And every once in awhile try to think of great things like next summer taking both of my kids to the beach, and how next year at this time we will have a baby that is almost a year old! And how these two children that I love so much will be teenagers one day. (that is a sobering thought! :) ) And the hopes that Jeff and I have for them. And when I look back at this time, how thankful I will be to be looking back instead of my heart so cautious and hopeful, and heavy. This is one life experience that I am not ashamed to say I am glad when it will be a memory.
Well, thanks for listening, or reading. I appreciate all the people that surround me in my life, and I know more now that ever, that you can surround me even miles and miles away. I feel lucky and blessed to have so many people that love me, and my little family. And that are watching and interested in who this little guy will be.
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